Ivor Cutler?s long-lost answers

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Ivor Cutler?s long-lost answers -

ROOTING through the CMYK drawers the other day we found two sheets of A4 featuring some rather shaky handwriting that caught our eye. It was a questionnaire filled in for Caledonia magazine by the maverick poet, singer and harmonium player Ivor Cutler.

The ailing genius’s answers, posted to his native Scotland from his adopted home in north London, never made it into print because Caledonia, a glossy consumer magazine that we had much fun producing for five years, folded shortly afterwards. Two and a half years later, on 3 March 2006, Cutler himself passed away aged 83. But now that his characteristically whimsical responses to the magazine’s standard questions have been rediscovered, it seems only right to share them.



They vary from the prophetic (number 2) to the profound (number 15) and from the slightly truculent (number 9) to the frankly bizarre (number 16). But enough from us – over to Mr Cutler.

What do you wish you’d done differently?
Nothing. My unconscious does all that stuff. It seems to have done a decent job.
A bit slow, perhaps.

What do you wish had never been invented?
The worship of money. What a daft way to pass your life.

Do you have a role model?
That’s like saying “Do you believe there’s a god?”

Have you made a difference?
People come up to me in the street and kiss me (fem.) or shake my hand (male)
but I don’t let the men as my hand hurts.

On the whole, are things getting better or worse?
Both.

What’s the biggest thing you’ve changed your mind about?
See number one.

What was your best ever meal?
I can’t remember.

Describe your ideal weekend.
I haven’t done it yet. It’s the same as the other five days.

What film would you like to have starred in?
I’m not an actor. I’m just me.

What’s your favourite book?
My own 12 books of poetry. They feed me what is in my unconscious
and make me laugh.

What’s your favourite piece of music?
At the moment, ‘Sikelele Africa’. Sung to express happiness
at the end of white domination.

What’s your most prized possession?
My unconscious mind.

Where would you rather be now?
Out of my pyjamas.

What was your luckiest break?
A cheap metal teaspoon.

What’s Scotland’s greatest achievement?
Filling the young with information (but forgetting how to think).

What was your longest day?
Under the pond in winter.

Where is your least favourite place in Scotland?
I’m still trying to find it.

Which three words best desribe you?
Hidden exciting beauty.

What do you least like about yourself?
Boredom, mostly.

Who would you like to meet in the next world?
What world’s that?

The rather splendid illustration at the top of this post comes care of*Chris Crites AKA Bagpainter. You can see more of his paintings on the Bagpainter website or, alternatively check out his flickr account.</p>

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